Hot takes; celebrating occasions with a drink

As I am now 22 (it is my birthday while I’m writing this), I’ve decided to rank my preferred alcoholic preferences since I AM OF LEGAL AGE. Disclaimer: if you’re under 21, stop reading. This isn’t for you quite yet.

There are three things – per usual – that I will be basing my ranking on. Number one: how does this alcohol taste straight? I’m not really a shot girl so I can’t wolf it (bonus points if you get the reference) but it’s an important thing to consider.

Number two: how does this alcohol taste when it’s mixed? Obviously strength plays a part in the mix, but let’s assume it’s been mixed properly. Finally, number three: how do I feel after drinking this alcohol? This can include immediately after and the next morning. While I don’t really get hungover yet, I’ve noticed that certain drinks make me want to sleep all day the next day.

So let’s get into it…

Wine: I’m just a girl. What am I supposed to do, not like wine? That would be crazy. There are so many options, almost all of them taste so good and I feel so classy sipping my glass of wine. There’s nothing better than a little glass of wine with dinner, and therefore it has to be my favorite.

Gin: Now I am very aware this is an acquired taste. While straight gin can be a bit much, there’s never been a situation I was a part of in which someone wanted to do a shot of gin. However, mixed drinks with gin are so incredibly refreshing. There’s something about how tame tasting this alcohol is that makes it the perfect staple to have in your bar.

Rum: Very similar to gin for me, however, I have been around people who want to do shots of rum, and let me just state that was a terrifying experience. Nothing has ever burned so much, yet I can barely taste the rum in mixed drinks.

Tequila: If it wasn’t for the way I sleep my day away after a night of drinking tequila, this would rank higher than rum for me. Now I am already aware this is a very polarizing opinion, but Jose Cuervo was my first love and it’s hard to forget where you came from.

Seltzers: These bad boys aren’t awful, but it feels like a task to drink them. Having to hold all that carbonation down while trying not to feel sick from alcohol seems like a crime, especially the way it induces burping. It’s like they want me to throw up.

Vodka: Jumpscare. Just why. Even the absolute best vodka I’ve ever had (and trust me, I enjoy topshelf stuff) tasted like rubbing alcohol. The only thing saving vodka for me is a vodka lemonade made with Grey Goose, but the specificity required to fulfill my wants is the reason this ranks so low.

Beer: Just why? It tastes like nothing. The beers I like have always been craft beers from breweries, and I feel like that’s not the mental picture you have when you think of beer. The image is a pale yellow liquid with some foam on top, and that might be the most triggering image I can think of. Keep this away from me at all costs.

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