I would like to thank The Owl’s advisor, Eric Tucker, for this week’s hot takes idea. When Tucker suggested pies, I loved the topic and I really wanted to write about it but there is one kind of massive problem… I hate pie.
I just cannot get behind cooked fruit, guys. Seriously, it’s a texture thing and it makes my skin crawl. So I could rank approximately two pies and this would barely be a story. But before I lost all hope, it hit me: write about cake.
So here’s the three things I’ll be ranking them by. First… nah I’m just kidding. Just keep reading because I can’t put into words what ranks a good cake without describing it somewhat in detail.
Cookie cake: One of those giant, soft chocolate chip cookies with just the right amount of frosting might be the closest thing I would compare to heaven on earth. I’m rather certain I could eat an entire one of these by myself, but too scared to find out.
Marble: These cakes prove time and time again to be some of the softest and most decadent textured cakes I’ve ever tasted. Maybe it’s the way the vanilla and chocolate mesh so perfectly together, maybe it’s that I’ve only ever had these directly from bakeries… who’s to say?
Ice cream cake: If I didn’t get brain freeze so terribly, these might jump up to number one for me. But alas, I have to eat it slowly, which is not how I really want to consume cake if I’m being honest. Also, why do they always have so much frosting? Shouldn’t the ICE CREAM CAKE be sweet enough?
Vanilla: Old reliable right here, in cake form. I’ve come across this cake at its best and at its worst and I’ve never once been disappointed. You always get exactly what you were promised: vanilla cake.
Chocolate: I’m not the sweetest of sweet tooths, so chocolate cake can be a bit overwhelming for me. The predicament I also find myself in with this cake is when I’m in the mood for something with that much chocolate, I usually want brownies simply because they’re better.
Red velvet: This is kind of like chocolate’s cousin that tries to trick you about being related to chocolate by being a ginger. (I sincerely hope that’s how my cousins describe my brother and me.)
Birthday: I don’t love sprinkles, jimmies, whatever you call them. Therefore, I don’t love this cake… ESPECIALLY BECAUSE it usually disguises itself as vanilla cake and I am left with the most revolting surprise.
