Relationships are hard, whether they are romantic or platonic. There’s an underlying fear inherent in them that you can’t lose the connection you spent weeks, months and years cultivating. Think about the things that are important to you that you refused to share with someone because of fear of judgment.
As I have met more and more people, the thing I am starting to learn is that if you love someone or value their relationship, living in shame of yourself and fear is only going to come back to haunt you. Currently, I am reading “All About Love” by bell hooks and in the book, she preaches an authentic love that is not built out of shame but rather in honest communication.
Throughout the book, hook laments that so many relationships are built on dishonesty and insincere connections. There is a constant need to be nonchalant about everything and uncaring or to honest feelings you have, whether good or bad out of fear of rejection or judgment.
So many people live in denial of their own feelings, hooks argues and because of that, they fail to love themselves because they are constantly lying to themselves. This often leads to relationships they hold with others being shallow, volatile or static. I am starting to understand now that you gain nothing from holding things back if they are important to you.
If I like someone, I will tell them and get it off my chest regardless of whether or not it’ll work in practice or not. If I don’t like something someone does, I will express it as I see fit. If I appreciate someone in my life and want them to know I will gladly tell them. These are the keys to building strong relationships, honesty to yourself about what you feel and being vocal about said feelings.
I can’t learn to have an authentic relationship if I live in denial of my own feelings, there is a physical and mental tool that bottling in emotions has on a person. It weighs on your mind, it makes your breathes heavy and your heart hurt. There is freedom in being firm in your wants, desires and feelings and if people earnestly accept those feelings, than they are the people meant for you to love and cherish.
