This feels a little surreal; I’m going to be done with college. I’m going to graduate and all of my time here at Doane as a student will be over. There are a lot of emotions that are swirling around right now; I’m excited for my future, I have an immense amount of dread, I’m going to miss all the people I’ve met, I’m content with my time here and I’m also upset I didn’t do more.
I remember what I was thinking when I graduated high school; really, all I could think about was leaving and starting anew. I felt like, for the first time in my life, I had the option of freedom. Of course, that’s the naive 18-year-old mindset, but I felt like I could do anything and everything wherever I wanted. I had big dreams, I wanted to go out west to the University of Oregon, I’d come back to the Midwest as one of those West Coast elites who talk about how much better they have it.
Obviously, that didn’t happen. I got cold feet. By the time I applied, I could barely get any scholarships and I had enrolled at Doane. If we think about college as an investment, coming here was like investing in Apple before the dot.com bubble, but I didn’t realize it at the time.
I was shy and coy in my freshman year. I could barely talk to anyone, though; somehow, I had people who wanted to be my friends. I had my teammates from track and my fellow staff here at the Owl, though most of the time they felt more like coworkers than friends. I don’t know when, but after a certain point, I realized that I had to make the most of what I had, that I had to try. Try and make new friends, try and do new things, try and make something for myself.
And I have. While I’m writing this, I am surrounded by friends at the library; in a couple of minutes, we’re going to all eat lunch together at a table that is too small for the number of people sitting there. I’m going to go back to my dorm with my eight roommates, one of whom is my younger brother, and we’ll walk over to the indoor track where I’ll cry my eyes out in front of my 200 or something teammates during our senior speeches.
I’m handing out invites to my graduation party. I’m having teachers reach out to me and try to help guide me towards careers that they think would be worthwhile. I’m the editor-in-chief here at the Owl! I’ve helped build a staff that is young, motivated and dedicated to working hard and providing all of you with quality stories. The day this is published, I’ll be presenting my honors capstone with my honors cohort, a group of students who are ten times smarter than me and I’m just lucky I get to tread water by them.
I thought that everything at Doane was too close to home, but so fundamentally different that I couldn’t ever connect with people here. But I can say that I have made those connections. My time here at Doane has taught me that I need to try, I need to be earnest and that people are kind to those who are pushing themselves out of their comfort zones.
People are kind; people are so kind that it makes me a little weepy when I think about it. I am so grateful for the people who believed in me and saw something in me, even when I could barely see it in myself. Of course, obligatory shoutout to my mom and dad, especially my mom, for pushing me to come here. Thank you to Eric Tucker for helping steer the Doane Owl, thank you to Kylie Hughes, my fellow Omaha North alum who sought me out as the next editor-in-chief, and thank you, Elenna Koenig, for being the steadiest hand I could have. I have full confidence that you will succeed as the next editor-in-chief.
I don’t know what happens next. I would really like to know sooner rather than later. But what I know is that I have a whole new network of friends, peers and professors who can help me find out what happens next. Thank you, all of you, for giving me so much these past four years. I am eternally grateful.
