Growing up, I made many interesting friends. Many times, they would pick on me or play jokes that would upset me. When it came time to set up playdates, I was told I had to go, because it was “the right thing to do.”
My mom would say they didn’t have good homes or that they didn’t have a lot of other friends, so it would be wrong not to go. After those playdates, I’d often come back home feeling hurt, tired and more self-conscious. The worst part was that I felt guilty for not enjoying my time. I thought it made me a bad person that I was being selfish for not wanting to go.
I think this lesson I learned as a child plays into my everyday life—I struggle to say no. Even when I don’t want to do something, or I know I’ll be miserable, I have this guilty feeling inside telling me I need to go and suffer if it means someone else will feel happy.
During my fall break, I had only four days to plan what I wanted to do. People knew I was coming back for the break, and immediately, plans were being made. I had this overwhelming feeling that my break was being taken away from me—that I couldn’t really enjoy my time. I finally decided to put myself first and say no to the plans. Honestly, the feeling was liberating.
It was scary at first because I had initially said yes and I felt guilty for canceling. But I used that time to rest and do my own thing. Ultimately, the joy I found from prioritizing myself was more powerful than the guilt I felt.
There’s this fear of saying no that many people have because they don’t want to be seen as selfish or fear being rejected. However, being in college has helped me become more comfortable with saying no because I’m more aware that I’m in charge of my own autonomy. I’m allowed to say no—even if there’s no particular reason. Setting boundaries is an important part of life and when you’ve never set them before it takes time, but it’s rewarding at the end of the day.
