Content Warning: The following story deals with themes and personal narratives of depression, suicidal ideation, and death. Doane offers free counseling for students. Additionally, the National suicide hotline, 988, can be reached at any time. You are not alone.
On April 2, 2022, Allen Prothman found himself sitting on a bench, wondering if the parking garage before him was tall enough to take his life.
Less than a year before Prothman found himself sitting at that bench, he had just ended an unhealthy, 4-year relationship. In addition, five months before that, his cousin had committed suicide on their birthday. Along with other factors, he found himself in the pits of depression, with panic attacks that seemed like they would never end. However, with psychiatric help and medication, three and a half years later, Prothman sat before a group of Doane students to share his story.
Hosted on Monday, Oct. 20, by CRU, a Bible study on campus, the goal of the session was to address the stigma behind Christianity and mental health. One might assume that someone like Prothman, a Cru Staff member, missionary and Christian, might not deal with mental health issues. However, his story says otherwise.
“Going to counseling, therapy, or a psychiatrist for medication was frowned upon,” Prothman said, “because the idea was there must be a sin struggle. Otherwise, you should be a ‘good enough Christian’ to get through it with prayers and faith alone.”
That assumption led Prothman to hide his struggles.
“I was captive to depression and suicidal ideation for so long and I felt so ashamed to talk about it,” Prothman said. “I felt really inspired to share more once I came across an article that says if you’re a Christian and you’ve ever thought about taking your life, you’re not alone. It was very eye-opening to realize that so many Christians struggle with this.”
Prothman shared well-known biblical characters that dealt with these struggles like Moses, Jonah and Elijah.
“Even heroes of the bible—incredible men of faith—have had these desires,” Prothman said. “If they’ve struggled through it and the Lord used them in incredible ways, then how can my story be used in an incredible way?”
Amani Muisyo, a Cru student leader and sophomore, found the talk to be insightful. Muisyo also coordinated the event with Prothman and other Cru staff to make the event possible.
“It was overall really good,” Muisyo said. “I think it equipped students in a way to be able to talk about mental health in relation to their faith if they wanted to.”
Midnight struck and it was now April 3, 2022, reminding Prothman of Lamentations 3:22-23. It also reminded him of a past conversation with his sister, where she informed him he might be depressed and referred him to a psychiatrist.
A few months later, the medications and psychiatrist had clicked. “I felt the burden I had been carrying for seven years was no more,” Prothman said. “I was excited to be alive.”
